My (un)Christian Heart

I've been a Christian for over 20 years. 

I'd love to tell you I'm an avid Bible-reader and church-goer, but I'm not.  I think I'm more upset with myself about the Bible-reading than the church-going, although both are important.  If I want to know God intimately, and know what He has to say about EVERYTHING, I know where I need to.  And I don't do that.  Shame on me.

I really noticed today how mean I am.  And hateful.  And resentful.  What is wrong with me?  Ryan tells me I snap at people.  I don't feel like I do, but it doesn't really matter what I *FEEL*, it matters what people are perceiving.  For instance, Ryan went with me to my podiatrist.  I took my sock and boot off for him to look at, and he was trying to put my sock back on for me, and I said "Give me that!  I can do that!"  I thought I said it in a joking tone, but Ryan took it as snappish. 

I don't FEEL snappish.  I think I tend to joke much more than I'm grumpy.  But I guess if people don't know that about me, they're not going to get the message I'm sending.

I really want to get a tattoo somewhere *I* can see that says "Shut up, Marcie."  Because that's what I need to do.  I want the words that I say to be encouraging, positive, and uplifting, and I fear that more often than not, they are just the opposite.  I want to be one of those people that listens ten times more than what they say.

So I need to watch what's happening in my head.  If there's mean, resentful stuff starting to creep in there about other people, I need to turn on the self-talk to shut up.  I need to be able to change the direction of my thoughts to more positive things...

Because I'm a Christian, and I love my brothers and sisters.  We're all made in God's image, whether or not we hold the same beliefs...